So this is going to hurt some people, maybe help, and most definitely anger most who read this. So be prepared..
So back in July my sister moved from Salt Lake to my house, after 6 months of rehab for alcohol.. Just stop reading now if this is already too much info about my life. My father told me that it would be just a few days of her living at my house..here we are in November...
So first off not too toot my own horn, but I am pretty successful in college, getting my degree in accounting this semester (a semester early not to mention), as a lot of you know, and I will be attending SUU for my Macc and MBA in the spring.
WHO THE HELL THINKS I CAN LIVE WITH A DRUNK 25 ALMOST 26 YEAR OLD SISTER AND DO A DUAL MASTERS PROGRAM FULLY ONLINE!?!?!?!
Okay so you know the problem,
Moving on and out with my life.
Money and time for a full time job.
So here is my great dilemma.
When I think about all of the decisions that have been made leading up to this point after 5 months of dealing with the bull shit, stolen money, a lock and key for my room, arguments with my father and no one giving two shits about what I am feeling, I have a major problem on my hands.
So this may seem harsh, but it's really not. I need to feel safe where I live, and this isn't cutting it anymore, tonight I called my Grandpa bawling my eyes out asking if I could come talk to him tomorrow. I have no idea what solution I think that the has, but he is my Grandpa, and over the past few years I have come to realize that he is the smartest, kindest and fair person I will ever have the privilege of knowing.
So the real reason for this, quite random non-informative post is that this makes me think, what would my mother say to all of this. How would she react to a child feeling neglected, and hurt, and another not understanding why her own mother can't stand to take care of her for more than an hour, or why there is one causing a hard life for herself with arrests?
Honestly I have no idea how she would react, other than to feel the pain we all feel. In this sense my mother was such a Christ like person, she felt the pain of others and wanted to help all she could. I wish I could be more like her in this way, but sometimes I think people are beyond help, and they think they don't actually need help.
The term "kill them with kindness" doesn't work with people that feel no emotion. That do not care what their own life is like, drug addicts.
Since July my entire life has changed, Maslow's hierarchy of needs explains what I mean by that. My first problem comes with safety, I have to have a lock on my door because a dollar was stolen out of my room, the monetary value means nothing to me in this situation. Four years ago I lost the most wonderful lady to ever walk this planet, my Granny, when I first started working at Lin's on Saturdays she would give me a dollar for lunch her famous Dorothy Dog. Well I had saved one of those dollars, and now it's gone. The idea that I have to lock my room with a key kills me inside, because I should be able to feel safe in my own home, which leads me into another issue.
Love/Belonging. When your own father says THIS IS MY HOUSE, NOT YOURS, I LET YOU LIVE HERE, SHE CAN BE HERE WHENEVER SHE WANTS, your sense of belonging tends to disappear quite rapidly. According to my father, I've blown this out of proportion, I'll let you be the judge. Another reason why I don't feel how I should within my own family, not to mention no one else believes she should be living here...
Can I just mention one person in my life that is my rock. My wonderful Mikey, without him I would have already stopped talking to my father, sister, and lost my niece because of it. I don't know anyone that can put up with all the crap he does, and I am so lucky to have him supporting me through all of the hurt, tears and failures I have had this past year. He understands what I am talking about when I say that this isn't fair to me, Kylah or anyone else in this family. Without him I would have already gone crazy.