Sunday, November 2, 2014

It's My Opinion.

So this is going to hurt some people, maybe help, and most definitely anger most who read this. So be prepared..

So back in July my sister moved from Salt Lake to my house, after 6 months of rehab for alcohol.. Just stop reading now if this is already too much info about my life. My father told me that it would be just a few days of her living at my we are in November...

Background information:

So first off not too toot my own horn, but I am pretty successful in college, getting my degree in accounting this semester (a semester early not to mention), as a lot of you know, and I will be attending SUU for my Macc and MBA in the spring.



Okay so you know the problem,

Moving on and out with my life.

New Problem:
Money and time for a full time job.

So here is my great dilemma.

When I think about all of the decisions that have been made leading up to this point after 5 months of dealing with the bull shit, stolen money, a lock and key for my room, arguments with my father  and no one giving two shits about what I am feeling, I have a major problem on my hands.

So this may seem harsh, but it's really not. I need to feel safe where I live, and this isn't cutting it anymore, tonight I called my Grandpa bawling my eyes out asking if I could come talk to him tomorrow. I have no idea what solution I think that the has, but he is my Grandpa, and over the past few years I have come to realize that he is the smartest, kindest and fair person I will ever have the privilege of knowing.

So the real reason for this, quite random non-informative post is that this makes me think, what would my mother say to all of this. How would she react to a child feeling neglected, and hurt, and another not understanding why her own mother can't stand to take care of her for more than an hour, or why there is one causing a hard life for herself with arrests?

Honestly I have no idea how she would react, other than to feel the pain we all feel. In this sense my mother was such a Christ like person, she felt the pain of others and wanted to help all she could. I wish I could be more like her in this way, but sometimes I think people are beyond help, and they think they don't actually need help.

The term "kill them with kindness" doesn't work with people that feel no emotion. That do not care what their own life is like, drug addicts.

Since July my entire life has changed, Maslow's hierarchy of needs explains what I mean by that. My first problem comes with safety, I have to have a lock on my door because a dollar was stolen out of my room, the monetary value means nothing to me in this situation. Four years ago I lost the most wonderful lady to ever walk this planet, my Granny, when I first started working at Lin's on Saturdays she would give me a dollar for lunch her famous Dorothy Dog. Well I had saved one of those dollars, and now it's gone. The idea that I have to lock my room with a key kills me inside, because I should be able to feel safe in my own home, which leads me into another issue.

Love/Belonging. When your own father says THIS IS MY HOUSE, NOT YOURS, I LET YOU LIVE HERE, SHE CAN BE HERE WHENEVER SHE WANTS, your sense of belonging tends to disappear quite rapidly. According to my father, I've blown  this out of proportion, I'll let you be the judge. Another reason why I don't feel how I should within my own family, not to mention no one else believes she should be living here...

Can I just mention one person in my life that is my rock. My wonderful Mikey, without him I would have already stopped talking to my father, sister, and lost my niece because of it. I don't know anyone that can put up with all the crap he does, and I am so lucky to have him supporting me through all of the hurt, tears and failures I have had this past year. He understands what I am talking about when I say that this isn't fair to me, Kylah or anyone else in this family. Without him I would have already gone crazy.

Monday, May 5, 2014


I've never in my life been able to say that my best friend is my boyfriend until now. I also never thought that I would have someone in my life that made everything perfect. It's been 8 months since Mikey and I started dating and I've never had so much fun in my entire life. Every day I get to laugh because of him and smile uncontrollably. Having him by my side makes me feel like I can do anything. I really hope that I can always have this feeling in my life. I never really thought people were telling the truth when they said their best friend was their significant other till now. It's weird to think that I could be more happy now than ever because I have a lot to be unhappy about, but it seems like when you find the right person everything starts to fall into place. When Mikey and I first started dating he used to tell me I smiled a lot more than when we first met and I used to think he was just saying that because he didn't know me I smiled a lot and now I realize that every second I'm with him I am happy no matter what I can smile because of him all day every day. I just think it's a good feeling and I don't know where I would be now without it or him.

Monday, January 13, 2014

It's Been A While.

Life can change so drastically and so wonderfully within such a short amount of time.

Last semester I did not do so well in my classes but I passed, that's not saying much, for myself. I was planning on graduating a semester earlier than my projected class mates were..but I am debating on retaking those classes for a better grade, and taking more art classes, of course my true love. So it would be Spring 2015 instead of Fall 2014. This will also give me time to think about where I want to go to college. I am having a debate within my head daily of where I want to go and what schools I can actually get into with my current GPA vs. my GPA if I retook those classes and it seems that if I retake those classes I can have a better chance of getting into some better more focused schools. I am still planning on forensic accounting.

This is turning into an update.

So as I'm sitting here with my sbux and bagel listening to this weird techno background music from a different art class I'm wondering, what school do I want to go to. I don't want to leave Saint George but I know I will have to for the two semesters. Side note, as I'm writing this the song home comes on, which is really why I don't want to leave Saint George, if you have heard the song you will get it. But what school I really want to go to is Utah State and of course its 6 hours away in the freezing cold. Utah is my second choice and  I am going to apply to both I am also going to look into UNLV. I really just don't want to be far away.

I know the first rule of life is to never let someone or something stand in the way or change your mind about your own future, but I don't feel like it is the right choice to move away anymore. There are multiple reasons including little miss Kylah Marie my wonderful niece.

There's this book I'm reading for Marketing class and it has this proverbs at the beginning of every chapter and the first one is my favorite so far and really makes sense to my situation right now.

"You never miss the water until the well has run dry." - Irish Proverb

I feel like my well isn't dry but it's starting to run out in Saint George pertaining to my education. I can only go so far here.