Saturday, July 27, 2013


I have so many thoughts I don't even know where to start. I finished the summer semester of college!

I know why I am so adamant about being an is going to get me to the bigger picture I want to make. Which is becoming a DEA agent. I am dead serious too it will happen. It will probably take me a few years after I get my masters but that's okay its gonna happen.

I realized something in life there are people who act like they like you and people who act like they don't. I've figured out a few of them but most I still think don't like me and you know I don't really care if they like me or not, except when they convince me they are a friend and really aren't..

I just know that this is what is supposed to happen. I know I was supposed to be where I am now and I'm happy. I actually mean it when I smile now too. It feels good. The nicest part is I am doing this alone. Not alone in a bad way but with out a guy. I'm happy about it.

I know I still have lots of issues though. It doesn't mean I can't be happy (: like this patience thing lately I'm getting worse seriously. I have no patience and its because of the people I talk to the most I blame them! Haha..I love my friends anyway they are the best. They have turned me in to an xbox addict and I'm okay with that.

I got letters this week and they are the best my two best friends Meg and Grant I love reading their letters they always cheer me up whenever the day has been long. I miss them both way too much. I need a monopoly game and all night talks maybe a Lord of the Rings marathon. For now I'll have to figure it out its gonna be a long 2 years without those two.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Don't Matter.

Sometimes I think it's a good idea to read through some of my old blog posts..yeah right.

Okay this week is the longest week ever. Also I've still only gotten 11 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. but this isn't meant to be a whining post.

One of my best friends left for his mission a week ago and seriously,  I maybe hung out with him once in the last 3 months but I'm already like, oh you borrowed my video game, now I want to play that game, only that games a real person, I can't just call him now! Dang I know he is going to be an awesome missionary though. I don't know where he got it from but he can talk to anyone and the vibes are never bad and I really think this is why he is speaking another language in the states still. Anyway I'm proud of him and love him he's one of the greatest friends a person can have! Good luck Elder Bess!

So this post as been over a couple of days and I have to say it's been a long couple of days. I work 40 hours this week along with my classes and I'm tired, just ten more tomorrow. I am dog sitting my aunt and uncles dogs, they are so great! And I get to stay up in central which is so nice! Except my phone isn't working to well. I just called/missed calls from my uncle 4 times because of the service haha. I could seriously live up here though the weather is awesome its like 77 degrees up here right now at 9:30pm.

I'm addicted to Xbox, if anyone couldn't tell haha. I have been dying to play all day, but I'm dedicating Sunday as box day if you need me I'll be in my room engrossed in Battlefield, also if you want to join that's cool too haha.

On my thoughts of today, the meaningful snippets I seem to always have, they say evil comes disguised. This is an interesting thought to me because when I look back what I believe to be evil, it is always disguised as good for a long time until sometimes, it's too late and I've messed up. But seriously, I think that if I even had a slight idea what my life would be right now 4 years ago I would have changed one thing, hang out with my mother more. Every day, without exception I think to myself I could have talked to my mom more often or just sat with her more often. I think this will be the thing that always hurts me. I could have done so much more and had so many more fun and good memories, that's what I really miss. I remember at her funeral my cousin who spoke told a story about how my niece was playing with bubbles and somehow got them in her mouth and started to blow them out with her mouth instead of the wand and my mom couldn't stop laughing I remember how great it was. I really wish I had more of those moments.

Don't take for granted those little things, they will be all that you have.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Xbox and College Life

oh well, as;ldfkjasd swear words I had a post basically done, and I decided I wanted the date to be today....well suck, it didn't save. Here we go again.

They said, "You don't need sleep," I said, "Alright," Well I do need sleep, so I hate you at the moment. All of you. haha no just kidding just some of you. I'm freaking grumpy..I love Starbucks.

This was my story to sleep last night. At about 11 I decided to play Battlefield 3 with friends, well at 1 we decided to get our own server and only play with 4 people, 750 tickets, which took about an hour and a half..on Operation Metro, hoping to get players to join, well that map has a 2 jets, I love jets, and is easy to spawn trap people. For those reading whom have no idea what I'm talking about, this map gets really old fast, spawn trapping is when they come to where you respawn after dying and kill you over and over. Anyway one of my friends was killing me a lot, I pretty much was raging at him until I switched guns which was really funny. I started to kick butt, don't worry the whole time I'm overly dramatic when I'm getting shot at by yelling run away or come on buddy you can make it to my little dude on the screen, yeah I'm that type of gamer.

Oh funny story, so xbox live was all messed up last night and one of my friends sent another a message, and on his xbox the message said, "are you getting any," which was the weirdest question, but I just thought it was hilarious. In truth he asked "are you getting any of my messages," which on it actually said that. I just thought this was so funny though I could not stop laughing.

okay so after we got done with that game it as about 2:30 so I sat on xbox searching through my games to find a new one to fall asleep to, and one of my friends said "You can't fall asleep in the party," so in spite of that I didn't although I don't think I would have slept no matter what, I eventually decided to watch Thor, oh man is he sexy, but I watched this whole movie, then got off xbox, but don't worry I still couldn't fall asleep (I watch movies to fall asleep normally). I probably finally fell asleep at 5ish. So kill me now.

I truly don't know what I would do without my xbox, ha probably actually hang out with people in real life, huh never think of that one. Although people lately, I just hate them, I think this comes from working in a pharmacy, people are so grumpy and mean, some of them just want to argue they are so annoying and rude. The worst part is I have to be nice to them no matter what, well almost no matter what, I have never gotten so mad that I was rude but if I am close I always ask them if they would like to talk to my pharmacist, which makes them more angry, it's amusing.

Two more weeks, two. Summer school is almost over people. I am so excited. I am going to become the laziest person ever for the 4 weeks before school starts again. This summer semester has been the toughest semester I have taken. Usually I love summer semesters but seriously this one has been like 3 hours of homework every night I have class.

Oh I switched rooms over the weekend with my sisters old room. Man that was a difficult task, since I did 90% of it alone. Though I think if I did it again it would be alone. I really like the new set up, I finally have my man manikin out, that Z Grant gave me back in high school, scared the living daylights out of my mother. Whole nother story. It's funny there is like a little corner of Grant given items, which includes my signed drum head from PATD one of my most prized possessions, and his wonderful awkward postcard, that this is freaking weird but all of it seems to go together, which is pretty funny. I bet if someone walked into my room the only thing that would make them think it is a girls room is my makeup palette. I like it this way though. It's all a good change, oh the reason I changed rooms is because my A/C doesn't work good in my old room, and I wanted to paint it purple and my father didn't like the idea but will let me in the other room which makes no sense but oh well.

So basically I'm a happy camper that is tired as all get out. Hope you had fun reading my giggles.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Love & Loss

And if young love is just a game, then I must have missed the kick off.

I feel like, how I do most days. Happy to be alive. You know how you don't talk to one of your old best friends as often as you like, well I am feeling that today. It's insane how life changes so quickly. It sucks to be that person in a friend group that is not wanting to be married, or getting married.

Sometimes I think dang I wish I was in a relationship, and then I again hit myself in the head and think why should I force something that can change my entire life forever?! I think that it's young love and it's not a bad thing but I also don't believe it's very healthy for me. I remember believing that nothing could change the way I feel and you know what something did, my own reality of the situation made me realize, on a couple situations, what the hell was I thinking the whole time, even my family and friends were openly against those idiots. Now it's sort of comical.

Not to brag about myself, but every now and then I give myself a high five for having my shit together. I'm 20 with my AS in Business with a little over 3 semesters left for my BS in Accounting. Going to go to UNLV for my masters. Never done a drug in my life, that one forsure I salute myself there were many a time when I was tempted and could have done something but never have, and my intention is to keep it that way, especially those illegal ones.

This blog I started, before my whole world changed, was as far as I can remember going to be secret. Over the last year or so I realized that if it is really just a secret then no one will ever begin to realize how I think and feel about life.

Song lyrics, this subject has been visited over and over with me. I can't even wrap my head around the life changing moments I've had because of immature Blink songs. Sometimes they just click, like this ADTR song, I had probably heard it a million times before one day in the car about 7 months ago it hit me.
I’m a mess
That's the best way to describe it
Having no time to myself is the only way I can fight it
When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror
Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer

I miss your family and I miss all our friends
If you had it to do over would you do it over again,
Cause I would, this meant something more to me
There's a hole in my heart where you used to be

I still wish you the best of luck, baby
And don't go thinking that this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried

This just basically said to me no hard feelings, there's no reason for it, and also here's my bitch slap I wish you knew I'm not hurt anymore. I know I've posted this before. 

Or of course one of my favorites;

If I had a chance for another try 
I wouldn't change a thing

Sometimes it's like whoa what happened there that was good timing for that song. Anyway this just went into a random thought collaborating a few of my posts into one.
Anyhow, hopefully one day I can say that I've got my Masters in Accounting working for some firm and living in NY or maybe little old StG. Who knows what's to come with my job opportunities that will arise from being a CPA.