Doors.

So the door is closed, it still might hurt when I see his family because they were mine too but I am better off without him.

This was a good experience because I learned more about who I really am and what I like and dislike about myself and others. I want to say this because I think that some people believe that I am unhappy about it because the situation was shitty. But hey not all situations are good.

All I'm getting at is it's a positive ending.

I’m a mess

That's the best way to describe it

Having no time to myself is the only way I can fight it

When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror

Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer

I miss your family and I miss all our friends

If you had it to do over would you do it over again,

Cause I would, this meant something more to me

There's a hole in my heart where you used to be

This is how I have felt for the past two months and seriously I'm done feeling bad about myself and for myself just because I'm better than this ending.

I want to start a new beginning with my friends and family. A new adventure. Maybe find myself in church because I never did, partly leading to the situation I am in now. Maybe do a study abroad program or move to a different part of the country, I truly have no idea but I'm excited to figure out this stuff!

I know more about myself that anyone would begin to fathom, it's a weird thing that I always have. I changed over the past two years with my mom dying and the way people treated me after that (not that it was bad, just awkward). I love the people that know my mom and loved her they are all a support. They understand how great of a woman she was. But I made myself stay away from people because it just hurt so much for the longest time to even be happy without her. Even now there are people that are new friends and they all effect me in a good way and I'm glad to of met them. I don't think I can explain how I feel towards the people who are just nice to me and make me smile on a daily basis. I didn't deal with my emotions for a long time after my mom was gone and seriously now its like water works once a week, especially at work for some odd reason. But I am understanding the extent of how much it truly changed my life and my character.

I know that I love accounting so far, but art is my true passion and I will never fulfill that because it is not realistic. I mean I love it, I can just do anything concerning art for hours and hours, but to me I don't think I would be happy trying to struggle to become a known artist never knowing if it will ever work. I have realized I would rather have the money to do my passions in art than struggle to keep that passion in my life and accounting is how it will get done.

Sorry there are so many I's in this post but tonight was just one of those times when the light bulb got flipped on, instead of the dimmers slowly turning up.