Sister

Sometimes I miss my sister, if you know us at all, you know, the way she used to be...when she was still happy and functioning. Sometimes it's like a piece of me is missing because I always thought I would be able to have her to talk about how I feel and how my life has changed. I sit here crying thinking about what happened and why. I don't blame anyone but her and her decisions, but I have also had a lot of sad feelings lately thinking about her and how I could help her. If I could help her...

I hope one day she will see this and be okay and think, I hurt a lot of people without knowing and make that the reason she is better, and stays better.

Sometimes I say some really cold hearted things about her, but it's really just me trying to mask the hurt I feel from her betraying our family me, and Kylah mostly, with her addictions and lies. I have always looked up to her except as of recent. I see it every day in my little niece Kylah the mannerisms and attitude she has obviously inherited from Gina. Those things remind me of when I had a real sister, not the skeleton she is now. Sometimes I wish I didn't see those things in Kylah because it scares me to death, what she will be when she is older. Sometimes I welcome the memories of when I was little and all of the good times we had.

It's been since my wedding that I saw her last, again the same skeleton I refer to above, I just wish that she was still in there, the person that cared so much for everyone and everything she did, not this mindless addict that has taken my sister.

I've felt the need to write these feelings for a long time...

2 Nephi Chapter 2

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

26 And the Messiah cometh in the fullness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.

27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

This is really quite random, honestly I am not a very religious person, but this right here, people take responsibility for your actions, you know right from wrong, it is your own choice, good or evil, you acted of your own free will.

Today this is a problem. Younger people will blame anyone but themselves for their own actions. Yeah I'm pretty young myself, but I was raised in a house where we were punished for what we did, not what others did, we were actually punished. I do not mean too harshly, but enough to get the point across that it was from our own actions that we received our own outcome.

I just feel like society (social media, young activist (for anything)) is trying to create this mainstream that is almost like this "Fashion Forward" statement "for the good of all people agenda" no matter what they do/believe/feel, right or wrong. (oh yeah yeah, this is my opinion, it's how I feel, your no different from me, you think freely, believe....blah blah blah.) It's almost like social Anarchy, they disagree to create a disagreement, for the fun of it, even if they do not have a fully formed opinion and it's annoying as all hell! 

I'm also not saying I know a ton about my own opinions, but I know enough to feel confident believing what I believe in. 

In my belief system there has to be a reason for anything to happen, (the way I feel, don't feel, how I act, acted upon me, etc) who knows the reason, well, anything that comes from me, I should know why I am thinking what I am thinking I control my own thoughts, and if you don't, you should be at the Dr. not reading this..those people, events, etc. that act upon you, you do not know why, what they were thinking, what the outcome would be, why the outcome is what it is, and you may never know...

Food for thought.

Oh yeah I got married

Mrs. Bishop

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The LOTR never seems to disappoint with a new favorite quote each time I watch it, "His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem." We all walk different paths and we know nothing of where each other has been or is going, keep this in mind when you try criticize another for their beliefs and actions.

So lately this has been bugging me, and I am no saint when it comes to criticizing others. But it has been on my mind a lot and I have been determined to defend others, I may not agree with them, but I will defend them. I have had a few people in my life seem to think that their sense of duty is greater than everyone else, in any walk of life no one person is better than the next, and no one persons' thoughts are better than the next, just because you may believe so strongly doesn't mean others have to believe the same thing as you. You may be wondering, what side of the story is she talking about, anyone and everyone who believe so strongly that others are wrong in what the believe.

This annoys me to no end, if you want others to believe in what you believe in, because you think it is right, do not force this upon them. It will not work in the correct way, I can promise you that.

Life is too short to concern yourselves with others happiness, enjoy your time here, because,

"Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

This quote has been a staple in my life for a long time, because we have the power to decide what to do and when to do it, but I believe that we are meant to do things, and our decisions are meant to happen when they do, I believe their is a hand in our decisions and lives helping us keeping us safe.

I struggled for a long time with this next one,

Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life.

You can imagine why...

Sometimes I wonder why I'm not as mad as I should be, why I don't feel the anger that others do. I have noticed I changed, that was my way with coping, I was never an open person, way back when, that was why I started this blog. To help myself, my thoughts, emotions. I admit my act has gotten better.

I have never actually read the books, but I have taken the summer off of school to catch up on more important things in life, a great friend reminds me often, do not let your education get in the way of your life.