Sometimes I miss my sister, if you know us at all, you know, the way she used to be...when she was still happy and functioning. Sometimes it's like a piece of me is missing because I always thought I would be able to have her to talk about how I feel and how my life has changed. I sit here crying thinking about what happened and why. I don't blame anyone but her and her decisions, but I have also had a lot of sad feelings lately thinking about her and how I could help her. If I could help her...
I hope one day she will see this and be okay and think, I hurt a lot of people without knowing and make that the reason she is better, and stays better.
Sometimes I say some really cold hearted things about her, but it's really just me trying to mask the hurt I feel from her betraying our family me, and Kylah mostly, with her addictions and lies. I have always looked up to her except as of recent. I see it every day in my little niece Kylah the mannerisms and attitude she has obviously inherited from Gina. Those things remind me of when I had a real sister, not the skeleton she is now. Sometimes I wish I didn't see those things in Kylah because it scares me to death, what she will be when she is older. Sometimes I welcome the memories of when I was little and all of the good times we had.
It's been since my wedding that I saw her last, again the same skeleton I refer to above, I just wish that she was still in there, the person that cared so much for everyone and everything she did, not this mindless addict that has taken my sister.
I've felt the need to write these feelings for a long time...
