FINALS.

here goes.

So it's december, obviously, I really like it right now. Although I think that by the time finals are over I'm going to be an emotional wreck. You know the longer it spans the harder it's getting. I miss my mom more every day and I almost feel bad for the people I'm around because they have to listen to me about it a lot. I just want you all to know that I am really thankful for you, especially CJ.

As the time keeps going by it seems that I keep changing and growing. I know that through it all there will always be those people with me. There will also be the people that come and go, and lately there have been a few. I know it's not always what I want, but it was supposed to be that way. It is always hard at first, and sometimes it doesn't get better fast enough. I think that the people that have been there through the hardest times are the ones that are irreplaceable to me. I know I have had hard times with people and with myself, but it can't get much worse than it has been in the past.

Its not that today was a good day I just know that I don't show the appreciation for the life I have. CJ was the one to point this out and at first it made me mad, but then i knew he was right. I don't I like to complain about how its just so hard because I don't always get along with my father. You know, it has been a big curve. I had my mom to talk to. It is not the easiest thing to talk about or even think about. But I need to get over hiding everything. That has also been a hot topic lately. It has been over 6 months, and truthfully I'm not over it, nor do I think I ever will be, but I need to be able to deal with it because frankly, I haven't dealt with it and because of that I've become distant from everyone.

I have no idea if I've said all this before I probably have actually. I just want to force it haha. I guess anyway it is just different from everything I've ever had to deal with and I think this is my vent for it because it's the easiest place to type and type without having a real direction.