How can someone mean so much to you and you can't even carry a conversation with them anymore? All I want to do is run up to him and hug him and cry because I just can't handle not having my mom around anymore especially right now, this close to Christmas, and truthfully he was the reason I could handle nights like this. She is supposed to be here. I don't know what to do anymore.
Christmas is supposed to be the happiest holiday, I think it is going to be the worst. It's like I'm missing half of me. It's like every other day I'm ok and then it's horrible. It's like I'm reliving that day and truthfully I don't even remember most of it just a lot of people and trying not to believe it was real that I would wake up from the nightmare, that my sister never came to my room to wake me up and tell me. It's like this spinning world is moving faster and faster but I'm not going anywhere and I don't know what to do anymore.
I guess this whole mood could be because of the stress of finals, but truthfully I just think it's getting to me tonight. I'm trying but sometimes I just want to sit in my bed all day and night. I think its enough of my depressive mood.
Just to take things slowly is what I need to remember. People keep saying time heals and truthfully for me it hasn't, not one bit. I just hope that time will heal this open wound but I'm starting to doubt it.
Even though I think Christmas is going to be horrible, I hope it isn't.
Merry Christmas people. You guys know that even your smiles and those funny conversations I have with you all help me through the day.
You know ceramics is what I miss. It might be part of the problem. It's just a good thing that I decided to do what I wanted to do, not my dad, and signed up for the advanced class for spring.
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