Hurt.

So here goes the woes.

I just feel like I can't do anything right especially for my dad. I cannot please him no matter what I do. Frankly it hurts at the end of the day I sit in my room wishing I was else where. Here is my problem. I have a hard time living in my house in the first place, all the memories and things that should make me happy just hurt still. Oh brings me to another thing cried twice at work today awesome huh! But it seems that every thing that has hit in the last year has created a situation where I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I am going to move out that is one decided thing, to where, who knows. I have always wanted to move out for college and the fact that I don't get along with my dad makes me have just another reason. It also seems that lately I can't even please myself with what I am trying to achieve, it's like this, I got a 67 on my accounting test, yeah not that great, I beat myself up all day about it then I get a call from my dad, you need to change something, telling me I'm yet again not good enough, when hey not to hate on my sister, I love her, and truthfully I think I'm jealous that I can see that my dad is proud of her, not and will never say one word about me. Just all I can say is it hurts, to all that care.

I miss my mother. She did more than I knew to keep me going. All the little things I didn't know about are gone. In the long run of things I know that now she is gone all I want is to have her here. Even if she was mad at me for the rest of my life, I would rather have her here, I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I just wish I would have realized everything before.