I never thought of the possibilities. Of the hurt that doesn't go away. The thought that everything has changed won't settle. I need someone I can spill everything to in the middle of the night when i can't sleep and the terror of the false hope from the nightmares keep me awake.
I know lately my blogs have been, to say the least depressing.
Truthfully when you ask how are you I want to say horrible. I want to say that I want my mom to laugh with and share my day with. I know it does nothing to cry about it but truthfully this is how I feel. I want to know that when I get home I can talk to her about the people I know and the funny stories about my friends. I miss her. I miss the trips and time I got to spend with my mom. I miss that she knew how much ceramics means to me. How when I would bring something home it would be praised and said it was the best thing I've made so far. I just miss my mom.
Yeah I guess this has turned into my journal for the world to see. This wasn't what i meant it to be but here it is.
The flips and turns i make
The highs and dives in my emotions
Memories twist around me.
I've said it before,
This isn't what i came for.
90 miles an hour
Just to be too late.
Waking up to the news.
It isn't true.
Another wave of emotion hits.
Crashing into me with this out of control world.
Distant faces and thoughts
covered by the ocean of pain.
This mona lisa,
it's my piece of work.
I'll finish before it's too late
You'll remember what I lived for.
The memories give hope
the hope gives pain
the pain gives me my reality.
She is what created my life.
All that I know,
I walk my path with her lessons
leading me,
I'm lost but not in life.
I miss that person.
I used to know myself.
Through the pain I see the change.
Alma 32:21:
And now as i said concerning faith -- faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if you have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.
I guess this is what just happens when I let my mind write now days.
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