Good-ness.

I am going to be a happy person this week. Well actually, for the rest of my life. Tuesday is the store softball tournament I'm actually excited for it other than that's when CJ gets home. I've noticed myself through out the summer changing as the days slowly go by. I truthfully don't know what I want to do with my life, so I've given up for the moment and I'm focusing on accounting. 


I've also noticed things that most don't. When it comes to people, they are distant to me. I don't really know if it is me, or them but that is the feeling I get when I'm around others now. Part of it I know is me. I'm trying not to but I've made a shell that I don't let many into. 


The phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder, not true. Time is what makes the heart grow fonder. These past 4 months without CJ have made me realize that the time I spend with him are the times I am most happy. Knowing that he is a 5 minute drive away always gave me that security that when something is wrong I can turn to him and when he wasn't there I knew that it would be the hardest summer of my life. Also, time creates the memories and moments that bring happiness throughout life. Not that I have all this experience that I can back up my statements, I do have my 18 years and  within the last 4 months a lot of sleepless nights thinking about things I could have changed and things that were great in the time I got to spend with my mother.


Of course I just lost the rest of what I've been trying to say for so long. I just know that because I did choose the things that meant nothing in the end I missed a lot of great things that I will never get to have memories of. The people that mean the most to me keep leaving and without them I am becoming lost. The things I've been taught and the things I have seen are making me into the person I want to be.


"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." -- Abraham Lincoln