Sundays

Sometimes I need to be alone, and today is that sometimes.

I have these terrible feelings today. All I want is to talk to my best friend, because I don't know what I am supposed to do. I want to become a pharmacist. I don't believe I can though. It sounds stupid but I don't know if I have enough personal drive or even confidence..

Sometimes I post these things hoping that no one will read and this time I hope no one does because I don't like feeling vulnerable.  This makes me feel vulnerable. This whole blog does. Thats why I write it. I want to get over the problems I have with myself which include not being able to say things about my feelings to anyone.

I don't know how to feel good about the decisions I make anymore. I really just think that there is a better decision and I have this thing where I can't make a decision because of that feeling that there is something better that I could choose but just don't see at the time. I'm happy in the moment but when I look at my past experiences I just worry I missed something. I hate this worry that I always have it's non stop and sometimes it controls my every action.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm broken and I hate that. I get so frustrated about it. Its like a never ending cycle because then it makes me mad because I'm frustrated and I am trying so hard to control my emotions better since my mom died and this is making it so much harder.

I just want to forget everything sometimes.