Slow Decay.

The life being sucked out of me,
through days and months,
emotions worn to nothing.

The slow decay was disguised,
frail frames broken so easily
nothing to support them.
beams of trust sawed through
I'm left behind.

The hurt is inconceivable,
tearing me apart from the inside,
I'm at a loss.

like ripping the bandaid off,
but the sting won't leave,
the wound is fresh.

All I want is one last conversation. I know it would leave me wanting more but there are certain things I just want to ask my mom but I know I will never know the answer to them now. I want it to all be normal again but it never will be. Two days, thats all she talked about and she just needed two more days until my graduation.

Nights, what can I say this is what it does to me now. I miss my best friend, it's my own fault, but I miss him all the same. That weird line of I know it had to be done, but I miss the conversation.

I went from May 27. to July 4th ignoring the fact that I was being eaten alive. Everything has slowly hit me and now I am truly wondering if I can handle  this like I thought I could, in fact I know I can't. This is now why i turn to this blog, and CJ to help me with everything and truly I feel horrible for dumping all my depressed emotions on him, and its just not me. I wish he knew how much he means to me and that he really does help. I just hope that I can heal enough before I hurt me and his relationship that is what truly scares me.