New York.

So lately I've been super busy and last week I decided I was going to send my Aunt Judy Utah truffles which I hope her boys don't eat them all or intercept them like they were saying they were going to haha. Though last week I didn't get them sent off, they are in a box, but I haven't actually sent them yet. Lately I have really missed New York. I love the fast pace and people that live there. Yeah I went there for 2 weeks for vacation, it's different than living there, but that is the kind of life style I like. IE the 17 credits and 20+ hour work weeks.

That is my thought take it as you will. One day I will live there I can promise you that.

FYI.

So lately working at Lin's has just been really frustrating, not my actual job or the people I directly work with, but the people that work outside of pharmacy.

Just gotta say never be rude to customers..even if the area you are working in is torn apart and a disaster. Yesterday my dad had an experience in the deli and straight said he won't go there if that same girl is working he would rather make an extra trip to Albertsons..That's bull to me because if another customer had the same problem it would be fixed, so today he is hopefully going to tell Jeff because no customer should be treated that way even employees.

Italians are very protective..its our nature, not that my dad can't hold his own..you all know that by now if you're reading this. But really this is my rant. I think, like I said, it's bull that someone would act like that when I know that right now as employees we are supposed to be as accommodating as possible to customers because of the construction.

So yeah this gets me.

My World of Thought.

Aww no more human race..

The answer to many zombie questions but, in truth who is preparing for this for reals. 

I have faith in humanity that this will not ever end the world. I also believe that God wouldn't create a creature like that, or turn beings related to himself into a monster.

Anyway that was my random thought. Probably because I am so dang tired I feel like a zombie. DON'T SHOOT ME!!

hehe oh I'm so funny.

By the way, I've become a happier person for the first time in over two years if you can't tell by this post. 

I seriously can relate so many unrelated things together and make them funny when I'm in a good mood. Well make myself laugh at least. 

I miss my mommy today. But I know she is laughing at the silly things I do and I know she would love the pottery I've been making. She was my true believer and fan. I miss that so much.

College and Other Stuff.

I really dislike my school schedule. The end.

Dr. Barrett is freaking insane. Just so everyone who is taking business classes knows...avoid him at all costs. He will straight call people ignorant and other really rude, inappropriate things. He's just a jerk.

Today I wanted to punch him in the face.

Blah Blah Blah...This is what classes have been like all day. All that needs to happen is for graduation to come. Oh I'm going to brag about myself, Deans List last semester and my Associates in May!!

Seriously so lost in Stats right now...great..

Oh man. So at work yesterday this person I work with, not to mention names, but a problem child hung up on a doctors office. So I said, "Op, you hung up on a doctors office," and he had a freaking spaz attack. Started saying he wasn't perfect and what not. I was just standing there thinking calm down dude..calm down. Anyway thought I would vent that. Never said I love everyone I work with *Disclaimer* hehe.

Thought of the Day.

In the end everything will be okay, if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Sometimes I get terrible feelings that I've done things the wrong way in my life. As in I made the wrong choice somewhere down the line and really messed everything up. But today I feel like those things that come to mind were supposed to happen because I wouldn't be where I am now. Which is closer to my family, especially my cousins and dad, in a job I love, and in the program I want to be in for college.

For a while now I've quoted the song This is the House that Doubt Built by A Day to Remember, " In the end it's not about what you have, in then end it's all about where you wanna go and the road you take to help you get there. I hope you think that's fair. Cause you've only got one life to lead, so don't take for granted those little things, those little things are all that we have." 

Truly those little things are everything. The other day I started crying because of the color of my cousins eyes, they look so much like her dads and my moms. Sure I'm an emotional wreak at times but I am still happy with my life the way it is. If I wasn't happy with my situation I know I could never succeed.

I just want everyone to take that little bit of advice.

Waves of Goodbye

We could reignite like fireflies
like an atom bomb at all hours

Sometimes I just think that in the end this will happen with those people that are supposed to be friends have a relationship or even just become acquaintances (by the way had to look up how to spell that word I feel smart.)

Everything happens for a reason and truthfully even if the reason sucks in the end it was supposed to be.

I just hope with all my heart that some day I will have the chance to see my mom again because truthfully if the world were to end I know I could never reach the height that she did in heaven. Someday it will happen I am going to make it happen.

Miss you mom.

Doors.

So the door is closed, it still might hurt when I see his family because they were mine too but I am better off without him.

This was a good experience because I learned more about who I really am and what I like and dislike about myself and others. I want to say this because I think that some people believe that I am unhappy about it because the situation was shitty. But hey not all situations are good.

All I'm getting at is it's a positive ending.

I’m a mess

That's the best way to describe it

Having no time to myself is the only way I can fight it

When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror

Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer

I miss your family and I miss all our friends

If you had it to do over would you do it over again,

Cause I would, this meant something more to me

There's a hole in my heart where you used to be

This is how I have felt for the past two months and seriously I'm done feeling bad about myself and for myself just because I'm better than this ending.

I want to start a new beginning with my friends and family. A new adventure. Maybe find myself in church because I never did, partly leading to the situation I am in now. Maybe do a study abroad program or move to a different part of the country, I truly have no idea but I'm excited to figure out this stuff!

I know more about myself that anyone would begin to fathom, it's a weird thing that I always have. I changed over the past two years with my mom dying and the way people treated me after that (not that it was bad, just awkward). I love the people that know my mom and loved her they are all a support. They understand how great of a woman she was. But I made myself stay away from people because it just hurt so much for the longest time to even be happy without her. Even now there are people that are new friends and they all effect me in a good way and I'm glad to of met them. I don't think I can explain how I feel towards the people who are just nice to me and make me smile on a daily basis. I didn't deal with my emotions for a long time after my mom was gone and seriously now its like water works once a week, especially at work for some odd reason. But I am understanding the extent of how much it truly changed my life and my character.

I know that I love accounting so far, but art is my true passion and I will never fulfill that because it is not realistic. I mean I love it, I can just do anything concerning art for hours and hours, but to me I don't think I would be happy trying to struggle to become a known artist never knowing if it will ever work. I have realized I would rather have the money to do my passions in art than struggle to keep that passion in my life and accounting is how it will get done.

Sorry there are so many I's in this post but tonight was just one of those times when the light bulb got flipped on, instead of the dimmers slowly turning up.