The Numbness.

The wind is shaking,
Moving the world around me but all is still.
There are signs of change,
Pointing different directions than i wanted.


It's cold,
Yet the tears are like fire, burning my skin.
My world is black,
It has come crashing and won't quit falling.


What I lived for,
What I hoped for,
Where has it gone?


I am helpless,
Time lost without even knowing,
Regrets fill my soul.


A piece of the puzzle is missing,
She will never be replaced.
Cherish the moments,
I know I didn't.


Is this real?
Why no warning?


Her love is beautiful,
It surrounds what i will work towards.
There is no greater meaning of life.
Precious memories are mine,
safe to keep.

Someone Tell Me I'm Wrong

I am a confused child..and i have much to say about nothing. My best friend, Compy, (Zachary Doty) love this guy, great subject. Seriously if it wasn't for him i would be a troubled girl haha. Since CJ left he has been the only one that can really make me laugh about anything. I can't imagine having it any other way. CJ actually trusts him too. So the last couple weeks seemed to go from all time low to fixed in the time it takes to send a few texts. Without the things I've learned about myself and life this past year i would be lost. I know that no one will ever pull me away from my friends again, the few that i have. Through the hurt and love that life's rollar coaster sends us on i know that the people that have come and gone have taught me a few things, and the people that are still here, are the ones that make me realize what life is really living for. The ones I love are the people that really matter to me and I know that they will always come before anything else.

hopeful.

Great, again with this. I don't doubt..I actually am so secure that it kinda makes me worry of my sanity. haha kidding, Saturday is the day until July 1st. That timeline is when i worry about my sanity. I am in love no matter what people think. It's the real deal and I know it's right. I'm real young but why does it matter to anyone anymore. He is who i live for now.

People

I don't get it. The people that were helping me...are now ignoring me. I really have no idea why or what i did either.. I feel bad because I feel like I did something and I have no idea what I did. I can't fix something if I don't know what is wrong. Hopefully I can be ok because I already miss those friends, and I feel like they don't care. So I probably shouldn't care..but I do. No matter what I always will..I don't want to, but I can't not care.

Yet Again.

I really dont know what I am doing lately. As the world turns and the sun shines there will always be the hope of happiness. Boredom has struck again, and this is what it turns into. Random thoughts and somewhat poetry from me. As a good friend once told me, "God gave you those pearly whites to smile," not that i talk to that person anymore i will never forget the thoughts he gave me and the hope that was instilled in my mind. Warm nights and sunny days are my safe haven in this "hell hole of a town" Saint Sunny George. The days get brighter when the nights get longer and the life still struggles on. Differences and situations call for the ordinary to stand out. Recurrence and boredom create my template of art and thought. Now for some less soapbox created writing. Smile.

Ponderosa

 Good morning starshine the earth says hello! Haha I feel like I have been awake for a few hours. I'm laying on a futon in the coolest cabin in zion ponderosa with cj and his family. They are awesome. I'll post some pictures of the tirp when I get home. I think I got sick from boos but since she is the cutest little baby ever i dont mind. Well these past two days have been super fun and i have one left before i go back to real life. i love being up here its helped me with the biggest decision of my life so far.

I was excited.

yeah, cool..not. I don't, I'm at a loss for words.